My mood has been swinging quite a bit, from content-ish to miserable. Not sure what exactly triggers these swings, so I'm trying to pay more attention. I suspect it has something to do with finally accepting my disability and pain. It's not going away. It sucks. I don't really know how to make my life any better. I feel helpless. I can't control it. I'm dependent on others. And, all of that is ok. It is what it is. I'm not bad for having emotions. Nothing is necessarily 'wrong' with me because I am sometimes sad. I have to beat that into my head. Or softly nudge it into my head in the kindest way possible :). All that said, it makes it sorta tough for me to know 'when' I'm going to be feeling good or bad so that I can plan activities. I think that's one of my biggest issues right now--I feel so trapped by my pain. I have to figure out some way to both manage my pain, and do more.
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| Can chronic pain and happiness co-exist? |
My chronic pain has lead to one good thing--therapeutic massage... oh its so so wonderful. Makes me feel like all my muscles are butter... AND, the best thing is that my insurance covers it! Just getting all the tension out is super nice, even if it doesn't make all of my pain go away. Now, I get to go once a week for a while! Woo-hoo!
I've cooked a few times since I last posted cooking pictures. My latest was cooking what I like to call Cheesy Goodness. Basically its a layer of potato slices, mixed vegis, another layer of potato slices all smothered in the cheesy goodness. Cheesy goodness is basically heated milk with tons of cheese melted in and some spices :). I sorta messed up my cheesy goodness this time, I think, because I used 2% rather than whole milk (it was sorta watery at the end).
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| CHEESE!!!!! |
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| It has broccoli, so its healthy, right? |
I've also still been doing pushups, though I've had to stop increasing the number I was doing. Right now I can do 30 in one go fairly easily. That's good enough. I already have trouble fitting my broad shoulders into my shirts--I don't need to be more buff. BUT... I still need to work on my abs, which is tough since I really shouldn't do situps because it seems to really irritate my neck quite a bit. I've been doing flutter kicks, but not consistently. I start physical therapy again in a week and I'm really looking forward to it! I just have to remember to pace myself and not overdo it!
And, speaking of not overdoing it, I've gotten rid of most of my stressful obligations at my job--no more stressing out for days about having to check my work e-mail. This has been making quite a difference, as I now can devote that energy to other things...
Like going on walks with Hesse and Nick at Golden Gardens instead of just sitting in the dog park!
My PTSD treatment is also coming to an end, and my next blog post will include a brief summary of what I feel about things now.
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| Yup--she did this all by herself! |
damn,,, ur doing good. If your feeling contentish sometimes I got to be 55 years old to get to that part! ha! Only one thing, I can relate, what has worked for me is realizing that sadness is just another emotion like joy or envy, they come and go in instances (but pain sucks)... I've kinda developed to sometimes be in a state where it feels like I'm an outdide observer of my emotions, weird. Ur my hero though.
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Oh silly bubb!! But, realizing the way emotions come and go is super important... and you can't judge your emotions either, because they just are what they are. Best to just let them pass when you can, especially for negative emotions!
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